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Comedy Scripts

Comedy Tweets to Sitcom

Here’s a selection of my comedy writing.

I write everything from one-liners to short jokes, tweets, blog posts, tv comedy sketches, theatre (a lot of physical and visual stuff), sitcoms, short films and online characters.

This was a winner at the Channel 4 Secret Policeman’s Ball for Amnesty International. You had to pitch an idea for a sketch in 140 characters or less. Alas none of the pitches made it to the stage.


Celebrity water-boarding with Jonathan Ross starts well with David Cameron & a glass of water but ends badly with Sarah Palin gargling the Star-Spangled Banner.

If you like any of these comedy scripts and you need a comedy writer then get in touch.

Online Character

Captain Fate

Captain Fate is the savior of the Internet or maybe he’s just a mite lonely and confused and working from a dining room table somewhere in the Home Counties. Below are the first 3 episodes in a 6 episode series.




Short Comedy Film Scripts

Head, The Mattress

This was written for a band I know and love. It’s 3 wacky guys chased by a spelling mistake.

Comedy Film: Head-The-Mattress


This is set on a train just after the US Army has invaded the United Kingdom to get it’s hands on our royal family.

Comedy Film: iCounter


Captain Nice

3 Pyrates  from the 17th Century are blasted into the present day (there was a lighting storm, OK)?

Sitcom: Captain-Nice-The-Fin

Hitting Things
A band have to work in a call centre to make ends meet. They don’t get on with the Bavarian Call Centre Manager. This was written for the Sitcom Mission

Sitcom: Hitting-Things-Episode-3

Is a collection of sketches and characters. You see the first part of each sketch and then the second and then the payoff for each.

Sitcom: Total

Comedy Sketches for Stage and TV

Adventure Girl

Speed dating opens your eyes to so much doesn’t it, including cruxifiction.

Comedy Sketch: Adventure Girl

Bandidos Dance

So there are these 2 Mexican bandit brothers, Jose and Alicante, that live in the English countryside and love cricket, Laura Ashley and dancing.

Comedy Sketch: Bandidos Dance

Can I Come in?

What do you do when you find a man-sized sperm on your doorstep?

Comedy Sketch: “Can I Come in?”

For The Tape

A poet in a police station is questioned about the excessive use of irony.

Comedy Sketch: For The Tape

Josh at the Burger Bar

Josh is a backpacker who has visited most of the ‘major islands’ and lives in a bubble wherever he goes.

Comedy Sketch: Josh at the Burger Bar

Location, Location My Kid is Fat

A winning fusion on one of the terrestrial channels. Property and diets, plus child care.

Comedy Sketch: Location, Location My Kid is Fat

The Insult Line

You’re off on holiday and being a xeniphobe you have brush up on your mockery of Europeans.

Comedy Sketch: The-Insult-Line

Watch That Man Sergeant

“He’s a bit artistic!’ What would happen when the army gets hold of an artist.

Comedy Sketch: Watch-That-Man-Sergeant

Comedy Theatre (Physical Theatre) Scripts

5 Coats (short)

It’s a beast with many different coloured hands.

Theatre Piece: 5 Coats

Green Hands

A longer piece (8 minutes) expanding on the idea of character through different types of gloves.

Theatre Piece: Green-Hands-Short-Play

I Scent
I wrote this monologue for an actor friend when he was just staring out. It’s been described as a charming fairy dream.

Theatre Monolouge: I-Scent-Monologue

There’s a lot more…

I also run a Website Conversation Rate Optmisation consultancy specializing in creating ideas and material including copy writing that helps Websites convert more visitors into sales.