Best Short Jokes and One Liners Ever – I Promise
This collection of short jokes has been made with the desire to make you laugh. Some of them won’t and for that I apologise, well I’m English, so I apologise at the drop of a hat, that’s your hat.
A fair amount of these jokes were gleaned from joke books and appeared on Bit Comedy for the first time. So why these jokes? Well, dear reader they make me laugh or at the very least they make me smile broadly and produce a warm glow.
What sort of Short Jokes are these?
So, if you have time to read then you can read 101 Best Short Jokes here
Best Short Jokes
The Best Short Jokes ever contain very little swearing and are for adults and kids. In fact the whole 101 Best Short Jokes ever contains only one swear word. Quite remarkable eh? There’s nothing cruel, derogatory or stupid. Each joke is a gem and if you enjoy please share with your friends on Facebook or Twitter as I bet they like to laugh too.
Best Short Jokes Selection
1. “I went to a restaurant the other day called ‘Taste of the Raj.’ The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.”
- Harry Hill
2. “Behind every great man is a woman with a hostage.”
3. “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. And monkey’s do too – if they have a gun.”
- Eddie Izzard (read Eddie Izzard Comedy God)
4. “On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who’s eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?”
- Victoria Wood
5. “Today’s a good day for going to a bookstore and ask where the self help section is.”
- Jim Kinloch
6. “I play all my Country and Western music backwards – your lover returns, your dog comes back and you cease to be an alcoholic.”
- Linda Smith
7. “What’s it with chimpanzees and that middle parting? Stuck in the Twenties, aren’t they?
- Harry Hill
8. “I’ve been breastfeeding for two years. I could light the gas ring with my nipples.”
- Jo Brand
9. “Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?”
- Homer Simpson
10.. “A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history: with the possible exception of handguns and Tequila.”
- Mitch Ratliffe