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June 17, 2013 – 9:00 am |

This collection of short jokes has been made with the desire to make you laugh. Some of them won’t and for that I apologise, well I’m English, so I apologise at the drop of a …

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Home » Classic Comedy

Bob Hope Jokes

Submitted by on January 23, 2013 – 9:30 am

Bob Hope Jokes

Bob Hope Jokes in 3 words

Old School Slickness

Bob Hope had a legion of writers, like the great Gene Perret (if you want to learn about comedy writing, then see the 5 Comedy Writing Books page under features).

When you see Bob Hope on TV you can almost always see he’s reading off idiot boards. OK so not the most elegant way to perform but he had the most wonderful delivery.

Bob Hope Jokes Top 10

1. “I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.” On visiting the U.S. Treasury.

2. “I received an award from all the theater managers. It wasn’t exactly an award. It was more of an ultimatum.”


3. “The airlines are really getting security-conscious. You can still fly, but they won’t tell you where you’re going.”


4. “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything till noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap.”


5. “”It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.”


6. “I’ll tell ‘ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.”


7. “We never buy live turkeys at our house any more. One year I brought one home. The kids fell in love with it and I ended up putting it through Harvard.”


8. “I’m so old they’ve cancelled my blood type.


9. “Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean ‘your guess is as good as mine.’


10. “The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.”


Thank you Mr Bob,

25 Classic short jokes and one-liners to waste a bit of time on. 

or if you have a lot of time 101 Short Jokes 



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