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This collection of short jokes has been made with the desire to make you laugh. Some of them won’t and for that I apologise, well I’m English, so I apologise at the drop of a …

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Home » Classic Comedy

Jimmy Carr Top One-Liners

Submitted by on May 25, 2011 – 12:30 pm

Jimmy Carr in 5 words

Classic One-Liners, Sharp, Witty

Jimmy Carr is the latest touch-bearer of the one-liner god. He’s up there in terms of great joke telling with Emo Philips and Steven Wright. Here’s 10 of Jimmy Carr’s best jokes.

Jimmy Carr’s Best Jokes

  1. Is it fair to say that there’d be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
  2. My dad’s dying wish was to have his family around him. I can’t help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
  3. Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
  4. I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help”.
  5. I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork …
  6. No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea, you never get that tea.
  7. If we’re all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?
  8. If you want to know what Slough was like in the 1970s? go there now.
  9. When someone close to you dies? move seats.
  10. I’m not being condescending, I’m too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn’t understand.

Here’s 25 More Classic One Liners

Here’s 101 Short Jokes

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