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This collection of short jokes has been made with the desire to make you laugh. Some of them won’t and for that I apologise, well I’m English, so I apologise at the drop of a …

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Home » Classic Comedy

Milton Jones Top One Liner Jokes

Submitted by on May 3, 2012 – 12:30 pm

Milton Jones One Liners

Milton Jones in 3 Words

Surreal, Disheveled, Harmonic

Milton Jones is the most surreal of the current one liner merchants in the UK. Perhaps only Ross Noble can give him a run for his monkey.

 Milton Jones Short Jokes

  1. I was mugged by a man on crutches, wearing camouflage. Ha ha, I thought, you can hide but you can’t run.
  2. If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.
  3. Militant feminists: I take my hat off to them. They don’t like that.
  4. So I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned dial a lama.
  5. I was walking along the road the other day and on the pavement I saw a white baby ghost. However, come to think of it, it may have been a tissue.
  6. I don’t know if you’ve ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.
  7. I’m very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, ‘how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbours’. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.
  8. I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying “I don’t want to bore you with the details.”
  9. Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so…retired “mermaids.”
  10. If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

“Ladies and gentlemen Milton Jones!”

Looking for more short jokes? Read 25 Classic One Liners.

TooT!

Jim

 

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