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June 17, 2013 – 9:00 am |

This collection of short jokes has been made with the desire to make you laugh. Some of them won’t and for that I apologise, well I’m English, so I apologise at the drop of a …

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Home » Jim's Comedy

Christmas Cracker Jokes – The Alternatives, Top 10

Submitted by on December 14, 2012 – 5:41 pm

Christmas Cracker Jokes Best of 2

Christmas Cracker Jokes Count Down

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is a variety of really funny Christmas cracker jokes. What’s that? You can make my wish come true? Where? Here?

Thank you Santa,

Jim

10.

Q: What do English teachers call Santa’s little helpers?

A: Subordinate Clauses

- Traditional

09.

Q: What do you call a man who’s been diagnosed

with attention deficit disorder?

A: These are good crackers, aren’t they? Who bought these?

- Chris Addison

08.

Q: How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?

A: He has Santa claws!

- Dave Hill

 07.

Mary said to Joseph: “Put the rubbish out love.”

“I can’t,” he replied.“It’s Christmas – there’s no room in the bin.”

- Zoe Lyons

06.

Last Christmas someone stole my present.

I’ve spent this year living in the past!

  - Terry Alderton

05.

Why did Santa quit smoking?

Because it was bad for his elf.

- Tom Wrigglesworth

 04.

Q Which playwright was terrified of Christmas?

A: Noël Coward.

- Unknown

03.

Remember a puppy is not just for Christmas.

It can be made into a salad for Boxing Day too.

- Boothby Graffoe

02

Q: What did Santa say to his wife when he looked out of the window?

A: Looks like reindeer

- Traditional

01.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

- Steve Pemberton

 

Ho Ho TooT!

Jim

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