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Home » Jim's Comedy

Christmas Cracker Jokes – The Alternatives, Top 10

Submitted by on December 14, 2012 – 5:41 pm

Christmas Cracker Jokes Best of 2

Christmas Cracker Jokes Count Down

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is a variety of really funny Christmas cracker jokes. What’s that? You can make my wish come true? Where? Here?

Thank you Santa,



Q: What do English teachers call Santa’s little helpers?

A: Subordinate Clauses

- Traditional


Q: What do you call a man who’s been diagnosed

with attention deficit disorder?

A: These are good crackers, aren’t they? Who bought these?

- Chris Addison


Q: How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?

A: He has Santa claws!

- Dave Hill


Mary said to Joseph: “Put the rubbish out love.”

“I can’t,” he replied.“It’s Christmas – there’s no room in the bin.”

- Zoe Lyons


Last Christmas someone stole my present.

I’ve spent this year living in the past!

  - Terry Alderton


Why did Santa quit smoking?

Because it was bad for his elf.

- Tom Wrigglesworth


Q Which playwright was terrified of Christmas?

A: Noël Coward.

- Unknown


Remember a puppy is not just for Christmas.

It can be made into a salad for Boxing Day too.

- Boothby Graffoe


Q: What did Santa say to his wife when he looked out of the window?

A: Looks like reindeer

- Traditional


Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

- Steve Pemberton


Ho Ho TooT!


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