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George Carlin One Liners, Top 10

Submitted by on December 10, 2012 – 12:30 pm

George Carlin 7 Words

George Carlin Brilliance

George Carlin is a comedy god. A real thinking comedian who uses the power of words to amuse and shock a little. He’s less shocking these days. But he was THE MAN. If’ you’ve never heard his ‘7 Word’ riff then have a look at the end of this post, it’s 10 minutes, but worth it.

The Word Man…

Top 10 George Carlin One Liners & Short Jokes


1. “Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?”


2. “You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.”


3. “I don’t own any stocks or bonds. All my money is tied up in debt.”


4. “I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don’t talk, he works out alone, and I go home.”


5. “The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”


6. “ Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.”


7. “My first job was selling doors, door to door. That’s a tough job isn’t it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you in a- oh shit you’ve got one already haven’t you? Well never mind…”


8. “Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.”


9. “One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict. “


10. “I know a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.”




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