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Home » Jim's Comedy

Naked Blogging with Pyrates!

Submitted by on April 20, 2011 – 12:30 pm

Captain Nice and the Fin

It’s a Sitcom Script

So I’m sitting here with only the radio on.

Years ago I wrote some spec’ episodes of a sitcom about pirates.

I loved them and I still have hope someone will want to progress the idea. The premise is because of ‘A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT!’ These 3 Pyrates are transported from the 17th Century Caribbean to an old watermill in Hertfordshire in the present day.

THE CHARACTERS

Captain Nice – A gentle Pyrate

Granite – An angry and hairy Pyrate

Woody – A Pyrate, part-wood, part-poet

Anyway I would like to…

ENTER THE PYRATES

CAPTAIN NICE:

Quick men over there…

GRANITE:

Did ye say FIRE!

CAPTAIN NICE:

We may have to rescue someone and carry them to our ship, she might be pretty and Spanish…

GRANITE:

Did ye say FIRE!

CAPTAIN NICE:

Granite you’re just being repetitive. Now men we must…

WOODY:

Captain?

CAPTAIN NICE:

Yes Woody? And Granite.

GRANITE:

Aye CAPTAIN!

CAPTAIN NICE:

Put the cat down.

GRANITE:

But it be a nice pusssywussy…

CAPTAIN NICE:

It is! Not “It be!”

WOODY

About the ship…

CAPTAIN NICE:

I know it’s a nice pussywussy…erm…cat and IT IS a nice cat. I’ve told you before about the ‘it be’ erm…thing.

JIM:

Excuse me but I’m trying to write a blog post…

GRANITE:

Shall I GUT this bottom-wind of a seal-sucking-Gannet-tickling-landlubbing…

CAPTAIN NICE:

Alright Granite…

WOODY:

The ship Captain.

GRANITE:

I could use him for bait when we fish for the Giant Bass of Madagascar. Aye! Belike!

WOODY:

BELIKE! About the ship Captain…

JIM:

What are you doing here by the way?

GRANITE:

Enough from you nancy-writing-boy-ARTIST!!!

CAPTAIN NICE:

We wondered if you’d seen Captain Blood.

JIM:

Nope.

GRANITE:

Can I have him as a pet Captain?

CAPTAIN NICE:

We already have seventy-two ship cats Granite. The mice suspect something. Well if Blood’s not here…

GRANITE:

No I meant the writer. BELIKE!

CAPTAIN NICE:

Well. What would you do with a pet-writer?

GRANITE:

I need a paper weight.

CAPTAIN NICE:

Right we’re going.

CAPTAIN NICE AND GRANITE EXIT THE BLOG. WOODY ADJUSTS HIS PEG NOSE WITH HIS PEG HANDS AND SCRATCHES ACROSS THE WOODEN FLOOR ON HIS PEG LEGS

JIM:

Woody. I don’t remember writing that line about the pet-writer.

WOODY:

Well Jim, you don’t know everything.

WOODY EXITS THE BLOG

JIM:

Bugger.

GRANITE: (V.O.)

BELIKE Nancy Boy!

- End of Extract –

Read a longer Captain-Nice-The-Fin here. Contact us if you’d like to perform it.

TooT!

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