Naked Blogging with Pyrates!
It’s a Sitcom Script
So I’m sitting here with only the radio on.
Years ago I wrote some spec’ episodes of a sitcom about pirates.
I loved them and I still have hope someone will want to progress the idea. The premise is because of ‘A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT!’ These 3 Pyrates are transported from the 17th Century Caribbean to an old watermill in Hertfordshire in the present day.
THE CHARACTERS
Captain Nice – A gentle Pyrate
Granite – An angry and hairy Pyrate
Woody – A Pyrate, part-wood, part-poet
Anyway I would like to…
ENTER THE PYRATES
CAPTAIN NICE:
Quick men over there…
GRANITE:
Did ye say FIRE!
CAPTAIN NICE:
We may have to rescue someone and carry them to our ship, she might be pretty and Spanish…
GRANITE:
Did ye say FIRE!
CAPTAIN NICE:
Granite you’re just being repetitive. Now men we must…
WOODY:
Captain?
CAPTAIN NICE:
Yes Woody? And Granite.
GRANITE:
Aye CAPTAIN!
CAPTAIN NICE:
Put the cat down.
GRANITE:
But it be a nice pusssywussy…
CAPTAIN NICE:
It is! Not “It be!”
WOODY
About the ship…
CAPTAIN NICE:
I know it’s a nice pussywussy…erm…cat and IT IS a nice cat. I’ve told you before about the ‘it be’ erm…thing.
JIM:
Excuse me but I’m trying to write a blog post…
GRANITE:
Shall I GUT this bottom-wind of a seal-sucking-Gannet-tickling-landlubbing…
CAPTAIN NICE:
Alright Granite…
WOODY:
The ship Captain.
GRANITE:
I could use him for bait when we fish for the Giant Bass of Madagascar. Aye! Belike!
WOODY:
BELIKE! About the ship Captain…
JIM:
What are you doing here by the way?
GRANITE:
Enough from you nancy-writing-boy-ARTIST!!!
CAPTAIN NICE:
We wondered if you’d seen Captain Blood.
JIM:
Nope.
GRANITE:
Can I have him as a pet Captain?
CAPTAIN NICE:
We already have seventy-two ship cats Granite. The mice suspect something. Well if Blood’s not here…
GRANITE:
No I meant the writer. BELIKE!
CAPTAIN NICE:
Well. What would you do with a pet-writer?
GRANITE:
I need a paper weight.
CAPTAIN NICE:
Right we’re going.
CAPTAIN NICE AND GRANITE EXIT THE BLOG. WOODY ADJUSTS HIS PEG NOSE WITH HIS PEG HANDS AND SCRATCHES ACROSS THE WOODEN FLOOR ON HIS PEG LEGS
JIM:
Woody. I don’t remember writing that line about the pet-writer.
WOODY:
Well Jim, you don’t know everything.
WOODY EXITS THE BLOG
JIM:
Bugger.
GRANITE: (V.O.)
BELIKE Nancy Boy!
- End of Extract –
Read a longer Captain-Nice-The-Fin here. Contact us if you’d like to perform it.
TooT!
Tags: free comedy script, sitcom script
