10 Things You Don’t Want Your Lover to Say
- That Sarah Palin is quite sexy.
Translation: I want you to DOMINATE me.
- I am not your girlfriend.
Translation: Thank you for your cock.
- I’ve never loved you.
Translation: I did but I thought I’d hurt you so you’d feel sorry for me.
- We need to talk.
Translation: We’re buggered.
- I think you have attachment issues.
Translation: Your ex called.
- Why don’t we watch the X-Factor, naked?
Translation: There’s nothing on so lets get off.
- I’ll email you.
Translation: No I won’t.
- Let’s get a cat.
Translation: We can practice being responsible and then get kids
- I don’t know what time I’ll be back.
Translation: I do and I will be drunk. You should be asleep so I can vomit without guilt.
- That Jeremy Clarkson is a laugh.
Translation: I have reached a crisis in my life. I know he’s really a pantomime dame with Yorkshire issues. I can’t help myself.