11 Successful Habits of Bigots
To be a true bigot one must work hard, cultivate good habits and of course ignore everyone around you…
11 Bigotry Habits in 5 Words:
Timing, Planning, Pleasant, Not Compulsive
The following programme for successful bigotry has been contributed by Professor Otto bin Boer-Visigoth.
- Always be on Time
You’re never going to get anywhere if you constantly turn up late for your demonstration. People respect punctual prejudice.
- “Who do I Want to Annoy?”
Constantly ask this question. Make your brain nothing more than this phrase. Never lose sight of your goal and reason for breathing; at last people will notice YOU!
- The Ability to Work Long Days
Intolerance doesn’t just make itself. You have to be able to seethe with fury from waking up till your last prayer to Pamela Geller, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or Enid Blyton
- Plan Your Attacks The Night Before
Commitment to the cause requires planning. You are never going to get anywhere as a bigot if you start thinking if you don’t plan your sarcasm, read infowars.com (don’t forget at least 3 pints of Coca Cola per session) or disagree with everyone on BBC Newsnight.
- 5. Be Pleasant at ALL Times!
No one likes a rude bigot. Smile, inwardly digest, pray to your god, holy stone, or brand-new-Cadillac, then smile again and kick them in the testicles. [This last piece of advice is taken from the Professor’s White Paper ‘Smile and the World Smiles with you so Kick Them in the Knackers When They Least Expect It’]
- 6. You Must Love The Work
You have to keep your ‘creative prejudice’ flowing for a whole 21 hours per day. Don’t forget why you are doing this. Love.
- 7. You Must Be Well Groomed
No one likes to smell a bigot. Don’t give them a chance. Make sure you wash regularly. Don’t forget to scrub those fingers with a kitchen scourer and Dettol, on the hour, every hour.
- 8. Don’t Appear to be Compulsive
Never let members of the press or public hear you mutter. When you talk to yourself turn it into a quote from the Bible/Koran/Talmud/ or ‘Good Save The King/President/Russell Brand.’
- 9. Be a Long Term Learner
Never give up the chance to find a new conspiracy theory, prejudice or opinion that differs from the majority. Remember THEY ARE WRONG!
10. Exceed Expectations
When anyone asks for your opinion give them several. Make them all different and contradictory. They must never discover the true reason you are a bigot and don’t forget you have the t-shirt.
11. You Must Not Spread Rumours
Stick to the truth and you will gain respect, everyone will love you and finally invite you to all their parties.
Professor Otto bin Boer-Visigoth.
Remember: Further information on bigotry is available on the Internet
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