Jane Austen Meets Quentin Tarantino
WARNING
Rude words including FUCK, FUCKER, AND MOTHERFUCKER have been replaced with the word ‘LABRADOR’ ‘LABRADOR-ER’ and’ MOTHER-LABRADOR’
SCENE
INT/NIGHT
A SLEAZY BAR IN THE BACK STREETS OF LIVERPOOL
QUENTIN SIPS AT A SMALL AMONTILLADO SHERRY. JANE FINISHES HER PINT. WIPES HER MOUTH WITH A FLOPPY LACE CUFF. SHE TAKES A DRAG FROM HER SMOKE
JANE:
Quent’ wat ya godda remember is…
QUENTIN:
My dear lady of silken honey.
JANE:
Ditch the hyperbole white boy.
QUENTIN:
OK. OK. It was like the most Christmases in a row, the stars filled my dick and I was a Lion, you know one those African Mother-Labradors. A mean Labrador-er’ roaring Labrador, Labrador, LABRADOR YOU, you Terrier-sucking-Corgi!**
JANE:
Then what did your Mother say?
QUENTIN:
She just ran sister.
JANE TAKES HER THIRD PINT AND WINKS AT SOME DOCKERS
JANE:
So one last cigarette and then…
QUENTIN:
What have we been talking about? Yeah, no-more-liquor-stores. Besides, it ain’t the giggle it usta be. Too many foreigners own liquor stores. Vietnamese, Koreans, they can’t Labradorin’ speak English. You tell ‘em: “Empty out the register,” and they don’t know what it Labradorin’ means. They make it too personal. We keep on, one of those gook mother-Labradors’ gonna make us kill ‘em. What we gonna’ do now Lady?
JANE:
I’m going to Labrador you till you stop breathing.
- END -
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